Responding to Conflict at Work and at Home - The Big Purple Blob Podcast Episode 68
Introduction
I’m back in the hot seat with Blobbers & Parent Coaches, Susie and Sharoya, of The Big Purple Blob. This time we are talking about CONFLICT at work and at home. I’ve put some highlights below but get the full story by listening below! I’ve got another episode with The Blob on supporting 2SLGBTQ+ youth coming up so keep an eye out for that!
The Highlights
Conflict is a GOOD thing! We just need to shift our perspective
Conflict can deepen a relationship, when dealt with in a healthy way
Conflict comes from violated needs/boundaries/values so it’s important that we know these things for ourselves so we can communicate them to others
Being calm/avoiding conflict VS. living your truth
Remember is not all about you. We are all just trying to get through this world.
“The more data we put out on the table, the more likely we are to be able to connect”
It’s not only okay, it’s appropriate to match the level of vulnerability around you to stay safe
Getting through Conflict
Get curious - ask questions “What did you mean by that?”
Assume the best - maybe they weren’t thinking like you are
Stay calm - take deep breaths and keep your nervous system regulated so you can use all your resources in connecting and communicating
Connect to your values and choose your conflicts accordingly
Getting Unstuck
What to do when you are in a work relationship that is draining you
Check in about what specifically is bothering you and more importantly WHY it’s bothering you
Disrupt disrespectful comments & set boundaries if it’s safe
Disengage, consider if this person matters and “peel off” bothering comments if it’s not safe to engage
Regulate yourself - walks, hot tea, deep breaths
Create emotional distance when you need to keep yourself safe
Resources
Deep dive into all the skills mentioned in this podcast (self-awareness, boundaries, connecting, and conflict) in my online self-study workshop.
Check more of my writings on values, a quick talk I gave for US Mission Vietnam, and a longer presentation I gave at FIGT 2022.
If you think you’d like some extra help from a conflict professional, consider reaching out to a therapist. Check my other blog posts for writings on “Should I go to therapy”, “What is therapy?”, and a guide on accessing mental health care in the Foreign Service.
Dr. Fae
has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. She lives abroad and offers online therapy & clinical supervision. In her individual therapy practice, she specializes in value alignment, existential questions, decision making, and general coping to increase overall life satisfaction. Her online self-study course Deepening & Developing Connections is always available.
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